Three gallons of abstract thought

A few days ago I found myself saying to a coworker, "we need to make the compliance sell." The company I work for makes software that helps comapanies and government agencies manage information. With the collapse of Enron and the advent of Sarbanes-Oxley, compliance with information management rules and regulations is a big deal.

We talk about compliance a lot at my company. We consider it a major reason why someone would buy our product. It's in all of our marketing literature. But I suddenly realized that I have no idea what it means.

"Compliance" isn't a thing. It's a state of being. We can't sell compliance because you can't buy compliance. You can't buy happiness either. Try walking into a store and asking for half a pound of Zen.

So when companies promise a smile in every box, or satisfaction, or romance, or the "being part of the legend", what they're really talking about is how you'll feel after you've purcahsed and used their product. They want you to visualize how you'll feel, the end result, the ultimate goal.

For luxury goods or impulse buys, this strategy works. If you make chocolate, selling "satisfaction" makes sense. Customers can see how one leads to the other. They've had chocolate before, so they know what it's all about. If you make motorcycles, spreading "the legend" makes sense, because we've all seen the movie. It's asking customers to connect the dots in a visceral, Pavlovian sort of way. The word "performance" should start sports car buyers salivating.

But what about products that require more serious thought? Does the approach work? At some point, someone will ask what "increasing transparency" or "harnessing synergy" means. How does your product or service do that?

And you'd better have a short and compelling answer for them. Because nothing grates more than a company that sells "peace of mind" presenting you with some of the most complicated and stressful decisions you'll ever make. Or firms that promise exclusivity to you -- and everyone else with a few spare bucks.